I don’t know about you, but man, I really owe the folks one for getting me to Concordia, and with CAB’s annual Family Weekend event on the horizon, it has me wishing I could tell my parents in person just how thankful I am for their support.

Alas, my hometown is just over a thousand miles away. A bit too far for a quick jaunt to Wisconsin, and who would have guessed, they have lives too. I feel like Mary Shelly’s Frankenstein, being forced to reconcile with my humanity after being abandoned by my creators. 

When my roomie asked if my mom and dad were coming for CUW Family Weekend this year all I could say was “not this year, dude”. I knew there was only one viable option, and I will advise all readers who relate how to come to this solution properly: I knew I had to find an older couple to ask to be stand-in parents for the weekend. If you are successful in your pursuit, or your family can make it, you can find the schedule and registration for Family Weekend here. Even if you’re a student alone or with friends, feel free to partake in the festivities! 

Family Weekend

For my fellow out-of-staters, here are the four steps for choosing the right parental figures for this weekend. Before you know it, you will find a substitute dad to welcome you with open arms proclaiming, “Get some rest, champ, we’ve got a big day tomorrow.” 

1) Find parents who will be active with you. 

Family Weekend is chalk full of activities, so you’ll want to look for some folks who can keep up with the action. On Saturday, Oct. 6 from 10:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. at the beautiful Chapel Courtyard, several games will be provided, and you may show up as you like and enjoy the nice weather. There will be an inflatable obstacle course if Mom and Dad 2.0 are feeling young at heart. There will also be bubble soccer. Bubble soccer’s like normal soccer except, just like the ideal “dad bod,” you are round and invincible. Feel free to get creative and paint a pumpkin as something for them to remember you by this fall. CAB has nearly 300 pumpkins ready to paint. 

At the same time in the Regent’s Courtyard (Field House in the event of rain) there will be beach volleyball, lawn games, balloon animals, a rock-wall brought to us by our partners at ROTC (for that innate dad strength), cotton candy, and a chance to have a family picture taken with Freddy the Falcon. 

2) Look for parents who will show up to your Family Weekend concerts and games.  

Truly exceptional stand-in parents will step up to the plate to support you when your biological mother and father are away. There will be several sporting events and concerts to spectate throughout the weekend. After all, can you really enjoy these things without parents to explain them to you and relate them to their younger days? 

Check out Saturday’s schedule for women’s tennis, soccer, and volleyball. On the men’s side there will be home games for football and soccer. Friday evening will feature a spectacular display of the musical talent here at Concordia, in the Fall Music Sampler Concert in the Chapel of Christ Triumphant.  

As for anyone involved in these events, good luck. I’m looking forward to them. You can thank your parents’ genetics for your talent, but for you fellow lonely ones, heed my advice and you will thank your substitute padre and madre for making it. They may even tell you to “break a leg”.  

3) Search for parents you can chill out with. 

The final trait of the exemplary replacement parents is being able to relax. You might miss having your mom to talk to about school and bake you cookies. After taking up the extreme responsibility of being parents and having circa 50 years of life experience, they deserve to relax with their temporarily adopted kids. 

On Friday, Oct. 5, there will be a bonfire pit outside Regents with s’mores. At this point, the parent narrative is writing itself. It is inevitable that your new folks will tell stories around the fire. Will they be lame? Doesn’t matter. Listen to their words and enjoy your leisure time.  

Additionally, on Saturday evening there will be a showing of “The Incredibles 2” and popcorn with specialty toppings. This will take place in the Albrecht Lounge. Hope dad doesn’t fall asleep during the movie again! 

Conclude your week with a Family Weekend church service Sunday at 10 a.m. for all the families to see up-close what spiritual life is like at CUW. This will be followed by brunch. An added bonus is the possibility of making friends with some new siblings by association. I am certain you will not be alone. Good luck finding the perfect archetypal mother and father! 

Learn more about CAB-sponsored events here.

Kai Goldenstein

— Kai Goldenstein is a student writer and senior year Social Work major, minoring in German

If this story has inspired you, why not explore how you can help further Concordia's mission through giving.